As my daughters approach adolescence, I’m reminded of my own teenage years not so distant in the past. Back then, my primary household responsibility was washing dishes by hand – a chore that still makes me shudder. Fortunately, my mother took care of most everything else, so all things considered, I had it relatively easy.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself growing increasingly frustrated as I scramble to tidy up the house while my girls are engrossed in their screens or glued to the TV. It’s a scenario that’s all too familiar, leaving me desperate for innovative ways to get them on board with helping out.
That’s why today, I’m on a mission to discover fresh and creative approaches to enlisting their assistance.
How to Get your Teenager Helping Around the House
Zone Cleaning
A mother’s quest to tame the messy teen zone begins with a before-and-after approach. The ‘before’ picture, showcased over at Catholic Sistas, sets the stage for a transformative experience. To achieve this turnaround, the mom established a system where she assigned a specific ‘zone’ to each teenager, which changed weekly. Initially, she had to spend quality time with each child explaining how the system worked in each room.
As time passed, they became proficient and self-sufficient, knowing what was expected of them. While lazy moments still occurred, the teens developed a strong sense of ownership over their designated ‘zone’, ultimately reducing stress for everyone involved.
Cleaning Swoops
When I think of family fun, I imagine little ones getting involved and making memories with their siblings. It’s especially exciting when you have kids of different ages under one roof! Alison from Pint Sized Treasures shared an innovative idea that had me hooked – the ‘clean swoop’ challenge. Essentially, it involves designating specific times throughout the day where everyone pitches in to tidy up.
The concept is simple yet effective: put on some upbeat tunes, set a timer, and let the cleaning frenzy begin! Of course, for a smoother experience, you might want to assign specific tasks to each family member initially. As your family gets into the swing of things, you’ll be amazed at how much more efficient and enjoyable the process becomes.
We tried this approach ourselves last year, and although my husband wasn’t thrilled about the initial results (our home didn’t get spotless in 15 minutes), it still made a noticeable difference. The beauty of this system lies in its flexibility – the more you practice, the cleaner your space will become.
Lead by Example
When it comes to household chores, Jody Allen’s words at The Stay at Home Mum resonated with me – if I struggle to keep the house clean, how can I expect my family members to do so as well? As a campaigner personality type (take the test here to learn more), I tend to view this situation through the lens of unfair burden. If I had assistance, maintaining cleanliness wouldn’t be such a daunting task.
To address this issue, I involve my daughters in the conversation and explain that our household is messy because mom’s energy levels are depleted. Let’s work together to tidy up and create a more comfortable environment for everyone. When necessary, I make an effort to lead by example, demonstrating the importance of cleanliness and responsibility.
Have Set Expectations
As I prepare for the challenges of raising teenagers, I’m also grateful for my experience teaching older students. Getting 15 individuals to maintain a clean kitchen after cooking can be just as demanding. A key lesson from my first year of teaching was the importance of setting clear expectations. This allowed me to identify accountability and potential issues when tasks weren’t completed.
For instance, if the dishes didn’t get done in the gold kitchen, I could refer to our paper system, which tracked individual responsibilities like Joe’s grade-based effort. Similarly, for effective cleaning methods like the swoop or zone approaches, setting clear expectations is crucial. This might involve specifying a minimum 15-minute time commitment for cleaning and putting away items, with additional tasks possible if more time permits.
Written lists can be particularly helpful for zone cleaning. In later explanations of these methods, I’ll emphasize the importance of establishing these clear expectations. The delicate balance between maintaining standards while being understanding of life’s unexpected twists is vital. It’s essential to let students know that their plan B is always an option when circumstances arise, but it’s equally important to convey that what you expect must still be achieved.
One effective way to achieve this balance is by introducing sensible consequences.
Have Sensible Consequences
Before embarking on this journey, it’s crucial to set realistic expectations. Acknowledge whether making their bed is truly important or if they rarely get to see the fruits of their labor before collapsing into it. Establishing practical goals falls under the category of leading by example and helps you maintain a firm stance on consequences without wavering. Another essential step is to define your consequences in advance.
Having a game plan allows for consistency, which is vital when dealing with children. I recommend developing a plan similar to the one we use with our daughter who has emotional issues due to cerebral palsy. Our approach involves providing reminders initially and then adding marbles to a jar. When she accumulates three marbles, electronics are taken away for the remainder of the day. Each new day presents an opportunity for a fresh start, as everyone deserves a second chance.
However, what if this plan doesn’t work? Recently, I came across a creative solution on Web MD that involves informing children you’re hiring a house cleaner and deducting the cleaning costs from their allowance or gift fund. Remember to stay committed to your approach and make adjustments accordingly.
Divide Chores Three Ways
While I may not align with the post’s title, Joanne Kimes’ article from She Knows does offer an insightful approach to dividing chores into three categories. The first category involves offsetting mess through quick cleanups or ‘swoop cleaning.’ The second category consists of regular, unpaid tasks that contribute to family dynamics.
These responsibilities will not disappear when children leave home, so it’s essential for them to understand the value of contributing to household maintenance while still living under their parents’ roof.
The third category is where the benefits are evident – creating a bulletin board that lists chores and corresponding rewards. However, these rewards only come into play if both regular tasks and paid jobs are completed satisfactorily.
It’s crucial to have open expectations discussions with your children beforehand.
To further reinforce the importance of responsibility, you could incorporate financial literacy by having them set aside ten percent of their earnings for savings or charitable donations.
Premack’s Principle
The homework schedule is another concept we explored a few years ago, with surprisingly straightforward principles. The core idea revolves around setting a routine and adhering to it. For instance, our approach was to allocate thirty minutes for my daughter to engage in any activity she desired – watching TV, browsing the computer, chatting with friends, or stepping outside. Reasonable limits apply, of course.
Once her designated time expires, however, she must immediately begin working on her homework, regardless of the initial desire to continue with leisure activities. Crucially, she needs to remain focused until the task is fully completed. Initially, there was resistance, but as my daughter adapted to this expectation, it became less daunting, and her homework sessions grew shorter. Simultaneously, our household dynamics improved.
The takeaway is that you can replicate this approach by establishing a specific time for tasks like cleaning or even setting aside dedicated moments with music playing. Ultimately, the key is to identify a system that works for your family and commit to it.
Get Them Started
As I reflect back on my teenage years, memories of Saturday mornings come flooding back – specifically the sound of my mother vacuuming at 9:30 am sharp. My room was situated right next to the living room, making it impossible not to be aware of the noise. Little did I know that decades later, I’d find myself adopting a similar routine on Saturday mornings… albeit with a twist, opting for our van instead.
Despite this evolution, I still struggle with the idea of getting others started on their cleaning tasks, as my mother would often request me to do when I was younger. The stay-at-home mom’s approach resonates with me – opening the window, placing the vacuum and dirty clothes basket in the center of the room, defining expectations, and turning up some music, before leaving them to it.
This unobtrusive yet empowering way to encourage independence and allow for quiet time in one’s personal space is truly a valuable lesson.
Remember, It’s Their Space
Empowering teenagers to take charge, one responsibility at a time. By entrusting them with the decision-making process, you’re encouraging self-expression and autonomy. Allow them to curate their personal space by giving them the freedom to choose how they want their room to look. If they’re passionate about displaying memories on walls filled with photos of friends, let them create a collage that reflects their personality.
Maybe they’ve fallen in love with Pottery Barn Teen’s trendy bed sheets – surprise them with a new set! By doing so, you’ll be creating a space that truly represents who they are and your household’s unique dynamic.
Do the Unthinkable
I stumbled upon an insightful Wall Street Journal article by Sue Shellenbarger, which resonated with my own experiences. In the article, a teenager is tasked with cleaning up their room, but things take an unexpected turn when the mother takes everything – including clothing – and stores it in the attic as punishment. The only way to retrieve their belongings is to complete chores. This scenario struck a chord with me, as I recall implementing a similar approach with my own children.
When they fail to meet their responsibilities, we temporarily relocate their possessions to a designated area until order is restored. For instance, my husband and I store their items in a closet, allowing them to regain possession of their belongings on a weekly basis, provided the room remains tidy. This approach serves as a powerful motivator, driving home the importance of maintaining a clean and organized living space.
Get to the Root of Things
I hope you’re reading this with a positive relationship with your child. If not, now is the perfect opportunity to reconnect and strengthen your bond. Take them out for a casual outing, like grabbing a cup of coffee or going for a walk, and engage in open-ended conversations. Ask about their feelings when asked to maintain their personal space or contribute to household chores. Seek their input on how you can work together more effectively.
You might be surprised to discover that part of the issue lies in their packed schedules. As someone who works with teenagers, I’m constantly amazed by their capabilities. One student I know is an exemplary case – she excels academically, balances multiple extracurricular activities, and still finds time for a part-time job. This is our future, and I believe it’s incredibly inspiring! Let’s focus on fostering a positive attitude and communicating effectively with our children.
Take the time to understand what’s going on in their lives and collaborate to create a cleaning schedule that works for both of you. If this approach doesn’t yield results, there are always alternative solutions.
Conclusion
As you navigate the complexities of parenting a teenager, it’s essential to acknowledge that sometimes the most effective approach is to simply give them space. It’s challenging to accept, but even those who haven’t yet experienced life with a teen can recall their own adolescent struggles. Rather than worrying about shaping your child into someone they’re not meant to be, focus on fostering an environment where they feel supported and encouraged to become the best version of themselves.
In the end, that’s all that truly matters – being there for them as they grow and evolve.
